How to Feel Connected During Postpartum

You've been waiting 9 months (possibly way longer!) to be a mama and to finally hold your baby in your arms. Maybe you've thought oh, life is going to be perfect once you have your baby. Yeah, there will be sleepless nights, but it'll all be worth it.

But the time has come. Your baby is finally here, and you have the little nugget wrapped in your arms! Yet..you don’t feel the way you’d expect.

Don't get me wrong…you are happy and can't imagine your life without this baby. But you're experiencing thoughts and emotions that you never thought you would - loneliness, anger, frustration, seclusion, and feeling lost.

Let me tell you something. You're not the only one who is experiencing this. It's common for mothers to go through these emotions—new mamas and moms who already have children.

Why don’t people talk about this? Mothers get so much attention during pregnancy, but once the baby is here, mothers often get pushed to the side, don't they?

I'm here to change that. I believe that a sense of connection is one of the most important factors for having a successful and happy postpartum journey. In this article, I'll explain how you can go from lost and confused, to feeling connected during this important chapter in your life.

Most new mamas don't realize that it can be really hard emotionally and mentally on their well-being if they don't set up a good support system during the first couple of months. Of course, you get newborn baby snuggles all day long, but we all may miss some adult conversation and social gatherings.

Not to mention, the pandemic has possibly made postpartum even harder for some mamas who are used to being social all the time.

But besides the physical detachment, many mothers feel an emotional detachment as well. This could be from their partner, their friends, or even their baby.

Many women don't realize that chemical imbalances in your body could even be contributing to these feelings you are experiencing, like:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Feeling Overwhelmed
• Anger
• Irritability
• Lack of pleasure in life
• Exhaustion
• Hopelessness
• Guilt
• Excessive lack of concern for the baby
• Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby

Hormonal imbalances are a common cause of this. After we give birth, our hormones plummet, and it takes time to get back to normal levels. During this time, your estrogen drops as much as 95%, as well as your progesterone. This rapid fluctuation can often affect your brain, leading to your unwanted and unusual emotions- or lack thereof.

Nutrient deficiencies can also contribute to these feelings. After giving birth, your body can become depleted of vital nutrients. I mean, it did just grow a human being! If you didn't supply your body with enough nutrients during the pregnancy, and even after birth, it could be very likely that your body doesn't have adequate vitamins and minerals. In fact, studies have shown that Vitamin D, Zinc and Selenium deficiencies are associated with Postpartum Depression (PPD) and psychoneuroimmunology.

Because you may have imbalances in your body, working with a naturopathic doctor during postpartum (or even before pregnancy and during pregnancy), is highly recommended. Naturopathic doctors use state of the art lab testing to discover underlying issues that may be leading to your health symptoms (like mental or emotional struggles).

If you are feeling disconnected from your baby, please know that this doesn't make you a bad mama! Numerous factors play a role in attachment between you and your baby. Some things to consider that have been shown to increase attachment and connection are:

• Vaginal Births
• Non-medicated delivery (as in non-epidurals)
• Skin-to-skin directly after birth
• Breastfeeding
• Babywearing (using a carrier or wrap to have baby close to your body)

Your relationship with your partner will no doubt change. Even if you think it wont..It will for better or for worse. It's no longer just the two of you. You now have another human being in your home and in your relationship.

Many relationships struggle during the first year of postpartum for many reasons.

• Partner feeling ignored
• Both of you being sleep deprived (leading to more irritability with one another)
• Parenting differences
• No time for intimacy
• Unwanted family opinions (in-law problems affecting your relationship)
• Miscommunications
• Feeling misunderstood

I want to give you some tips on how to increase your connection with your partner to help steer you towards a happy postpartum journey.

Practicing good communication with your partner is key to raising a baby together. Even before the baby comes, there are conversations you should have with your partner. This way you’re both on the same page, and expectations from one another are agreed upon. If you talk about them before the baby comes, you won't have that added stress of trying to compromise big decisions and roles when you are already overwhelmed with figuring out motherhood!

• The need for help when you are feeling overwhelmed
• Appreciation and love for your significant other
• Your physical and emotional status on intimacy
• When you need sleep and need them to take over for a couple of hours
• The thoughts and feelings you are experiencing as you navigate this journey.

The key here is to just be transparent with your partner. Don't hold everything in for it to later burst with a meltdown, or fester as resentment.

Reach out to other mamas who are going through this journey as well. It can make a huge difference knowing that you aren't crazy experiencing all these new things - physical, emotional, and mental. If you don't know anyone in your personal life, there are tons of support groups online that you can join. Having a community of other women is a great way to get things off your chest and know that you're not alone.

If you want to have the best postpartum experience, get in contact with me. I'm Dr. Corey Lapp and I'm a naturopathic doctor for postpartum Mamas. I guide mothers who are feeling lost and confused to feeling connected. Make an appointment with me today to get started.